disneyland is not the happiest place on earth

this is.

this is what i saw today

sweet reunion

ten long months had separated us.

you were on my thoughts every day and my dreams at night.

i thought it was only a summer romance, but it turned into something so much more lasting and meaningful.

i counted down the minutes until i'd be with you again tonight, hoping things hadn't changed so much in a year, that i wouldn't love you like i thought did...maybe i'd built you up in my head to be something you were not.

but you didn't disappoint. you were exactly how i remembered: perfection.

it thrills my heart to know that we'll never be separated again.

sweetpagene + pistachio gelato = true love forever and ever

3 days left

i wonder if the knots in my stomach are from nervousness or excitement. at first, i thought excitement, but now i'm not so sure. maybe i'm just hungry.

i am having a really difficult time packing a year's worth of life in a suitcase and giant backpack. i've started over 3 times. i may ending up wearing the same t-shirt all summer. (it's green. it says reunite ireland in gaelic. it is so political. i love it.)

i kind of overscheduled myself with "things i need to do before i leave." and it didn't help that i spent hours yesterday watching a law and order marathon. i got dressed at 1 pm. it finally felt like summer vacation.

i wonder if b's dishes will still be sitting in the sink when i come visit in august. b is not the world's best housekeeper.

i'm trying to eat up all the food in my fridge so it doesn't go to waste. if i see one more container of peanut stir fry, i will throw up.

what if my plane crashes?

i spent hours planning 18 intermediate esl lessons...and then got an email saying, "no need to plan lessons, we have it all here for you."

i finally got my visa on monday after countless emails and phone calls to the consulate in san francisco. the last time i called, she said it will be there in 10 days. i said that's unfortunate because i leave in 5. she said i should have allowed 10 days. i said it really takes 10 days to put a sticker in my passport and mail it back? (even when i provided a stamped envelope? are they sending it from the moon?)

i checked out some italian language cds from the library. i got to lesson 8 of 40 before i finally faced the fact that cramming 40 lessons in 3 days will not make me fluent. but now i know how to say it's raining: piove. besides, i already know all the italian i'm really going to need: "vorrei un cono di pistacchio gelati, per favore!"

i sure am going to miss my deba. she is coming tomorrow to hang out with me for a couple of days before i go. i hope she likes peanut stir fry.

the end of an era

five years ago, i stepped into my classroom and turned on the lights for the first time. there was sawdust in the air and no blinds on my 12 windows. i had 26 desks, one teacher desk, and one whiteboard. i was a first year teacher in a brand new school and i was scared out of my mind. a few days later at eight am sharp, school started and 26 shining faces looked up at me, expectantly, waiting for me to impart my knowledge upon them. it took every ounce of self control i had not to bolt out of that classroom and never come back.

but i stayed.

and although the air conditioning didn't work and by 8:30 the kids were laying on their desks with their tongues hanging out of their mouths, we all survived that first day. (i cried myself to sleep that night) and miracle of miracles, i survived that year...and the next...and a few more after that. and by the middle of the first year, something strange happened: i remembered why i became a teacher. i loved my job. i thrived on the excitement in their faces when they "got it." i lived for the ridiculously silly moments that bonded me with my students. i loved cheering them on when they succeeded and picking them up when they fell. i smiled at the pride in their eyes when they learned something their parents hadn't even known. and most importantly, i loved them. more than i ever thought i could. i threw my heart and soul into the school, my classroom, and my students. i believed in education, i believed in our mission, and i believed in my students. sometimes i thought i'd never leave, never could leave and i was ok with that, because i was very happy.

but things change. and though life never goes the way you expect it to, things always work out exactly how they should.

four days ago, i turned off the lights and closed the door of my classroom for the last time. the sawdust was gone and the 12 windows now have very dusty blinds, but other things were different, too. that classroom now holds the memories of five of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. it became my second home, an extension of myself. and above all, it was a happy, safe place full of laughter and love and learning.

and i'd like to think that by leaving a few of my teardrops on the floor on my way out, i insured that it will always be my classroom.