gluttony + theft + sewage=one awesome weekend

we had a three day weekend. so i went to trieste, italy to see this girl. (litzi)we went to the international food festival where we ate. see?
that sign says "eat 2, lose a kilo" i believe everything i read, so we took them on their word and used the logic that if you eat TWO and lose ONE, then you could probably eat TEN and lose FIVE. we had some of everything: macaroons from belgium...
endless cheeses from italy and france... (it was like litzi had radar for cheese samples)
some other things...
there were also some crafts from various countries.
veronica tried the irish guiness...
someone forgot to tell russia that this was NOT a yard sale.
note: check out that poster of stalin. it would match my lenin poster nicely.
i was so excited to see things i used to eat in russia. they tasted much grosser than i remember.
greek licorice chunks, that i mistook for giant lumps of coal...
mini-crepes with nutella!
or, for those who prefer to smoke their chocolate...those are the biggest krapfen brezen i've ever seen! (that's what she said.) it was like eating 5 donuts in a row, which i've always wanted to do, but haven't, knowing it would jeopardize my dignity.
apparently, this is the best that britain had to offer.
every country in europe was represented, as well as some asian and south american. but i won't post all the photos, you're probably already asleep as it is. just trust me when i say it was the most gastronomically pleasant day of my life.after eating roughly 80 euro of food (each) we rolled, i mean strolled to the coast of the adriatic to watch the sunset.
the next day we went to slovenia for the sole purpose of stealing apples...and figs...
and grapes."THIS is the border?" that's what i'm saying. or maybe i'm saying, "i don't KNOW how this plastic bag got on my head."


on monday, en route to switzerland, i stopped in venice. i've never wanted to go to venice, because i was convinced that it stinks. literally. but everyone said, oh no, it doesn't. guess what, liars?

it does.

(i am certain the entire sewage system of venice was backed up, which overflowed into the streets and forced the city to put out risers. some kids ignored the risers and walked around BAREFOOT in the foul smelling sludge.)

but look how pretty!
i was actually more excited about seeing this place than any old canal or gondola man. HORSE BUTCHER!!! HA HA HA!! yes, they eat horse. probably i have too, but i don't want to think about that.
hey, look! a cliche! i am such a sucker for cliches.

and then i got back on that train to milan, serendipitously ran into two of my coworkers, and had pleasant conversation all the way back to switzerland. home.

io vorrei un bello uomo.

i go to class with some of my students to italiano uno. everyone thinks it's so strange that i want to learn the local language. well, duh. how am i post to converse with my hot italian husband if i don't speak his language? and no, i don't have a hot italian husband

...yet. but how am i post to get one if i don't know essential flirting phrases?

exactly.

so instead of productively using my prep hour, i go to italiano uno with some third and fourth graders. right now i am learning useful phrases like, "c'e una matita sul mio banco." and "posso andare in bagno?" but i am confident that before we finish our textbook i will be able to flirt comfortably in italian. and if not, well then, at least i'll always be able to point out any stray pencils on my desk AND get permission to use the bathroom.

i booked a flight to god's own country last night

and nearly vomited from excitement.



eire, i'm comin' home.



ps. the flight only cost $153. wouldn't you vomit, too?

so THAT'S why i came here

yeah, yeah, i'm here to teach. whatevs. but i'm ALSO here to travel. and this weekend, let the traveling begin! i'm going to visit my friend, *litzi, in trieste. i get so fluttery every time i think about it. we were going to rent a car and drive to slovenia, but THEN litzi sent me an email saying that there are two festivals nearby. who needs slovenia when there are FESTIVALS!?!? especially when the guest of honor at one festival is a bunch of pumpkins. nothing spells fun like festivals. also, litzi. she is one good time rolled up in a tiny little body:

(courtesy of skype chat)

sweetpagene: please don't hate me.
sweetpagene: i bought a train ticket to trieste
sweetpagene: but it gets in REALLY late.
sweetpagene: i didn't know what else to do.
sweetpagene: the lady was impatient
sweetpagene: i wanted to order the one that arrived at 7 am
sweetpagene: and she said that didn't exist
sweetpagene: but it did on the website
sweetpagene: so my choices were arriving at 1:30 am
sweetpagene: or 2:30 am
sweetpagene: please don't hate me.
litzi: I can't even talk to you.
litzi: LIES!!!!
sweetpagene: because you're so mad?
litzi: I'll meet you at the station
sweetpagene: but it's such an inconvenient hour!
sweetpagene: maybe you could give me directions
litzi: Eh it'll be Friday night:)
sweetpagene: oh yeah.
sweetpagene: you'll be out!
sweetpagene: give me your address
sweetpagene: and i'll be waiting on the stoop when you get in
litzi: I'll coffee myself like whoa
litzi: Like a kitty
sweetpagene: yeah
sweetpagene: a pathetic lonely kitty
sweetpagene: i'll work on my pathetic face
litzi: Hahahaha
litzi: Make sure the mouth corners are turned down
sweetpagene: and i have to make sure my eyes are wide.
sweetpagene: but not too wide
sweetpagene: that's creepy
litzi: Hahahaha I loled
sweetpagene: loled!
sweetpagene: that made me lol!
sweetpagene: and i HATE that acronym!
sweetpagene: but it made me lol that you said "i loled"
sweetpagene: YOU ARE FUNNY AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU
sweetpagene: but i also love you because you're pretty
litzi: It's so much easier to type... Said 13 year old litzi
litzi: Hahahahaha so much ridere-ing
sweetpagene: i wonder if ridere means laughing
sweetpagene: or making silly jokes
litzi: I'm so excited
sweetpagene: ME TOO!
sweetpagene: INTERNATIONAL FOOD FESTIVAL!
sweetpagene: litzi, those are my three favorite words!
litzi: HERE WE COME
sweetpagene: IMAGINE MY EXCITEMENT WHEN THEY APPEAR IN THE SAME PHRASE!
sweetpagene: i'm not eating for 2 days, just to get ready for it.
sweetpagene: and for all the pumpkins
litzi: I KNOW!!!!!!!
sweetpagene: i decided earlier to starve myself til saturday.
sweetpagene: but then i had fondue.
sweetpagene: so i'm starting tomorrow
sweetpagene: i probably have less chance of passing out if i start tomorrow
litzi: Good call
sweetpagene: collapsing from hunger will really help my pathetic lonely look at your front door.
litzi: Yes it will. Passerbys will try to take care of you
sweetpagene: no they won't
sweetpagene: they're italians.
sweetpagene: they'll try to shove me out of line
litzi: More audible chuckling on my part
sweetpagene: audible chuckling?
sweetpagene: don't you mean...
sweetpagene: ac!!!
sweetpagene: ha ha ha!!! ac!!!
sweetpagene: ac!! rofl!!!! lol!!!
litzi: ... Yes I do
sweetpagene: i thought so.
***

as litzi said, "i smell fun!"

oh, and i might stop by this quaint little town:
*name has been changed.

let's walk to school

first we step out of my new apartment and this is what we see. it's the same lake you saw this summer, but from a different angle.
let's go take a quick peek around the corner before we head off. it's not a great shot, but i would like to point out the palm trees and the grape vines on the right (i steal grapes from those vines, but i think they're fair game if they're hanging in MY garden.) when you catch the breeze just right, you can smell those grapes ripening, it's lovely. also, nice hose.
about 20 meters from my front door is hadsall house, home of the 3rd and 4th grades and on the top floor, a bunch of junior boys.
THIS was supposed to be my classroom. i was excited about that. who wouldn't want a fireplace
AND a chandelier in their classroom? notice the ceiling.
but through a series of unfortunate events (i will not even get into that because i will get all angry and dizzy again.)
i was banished, i mean assigned, to this charming classroom.
it really is charming. and i really like it. except on rainy days (of which there are many) when the broken gutter spews forth a WATERFALL directly on the stairs. i spent 2 entire days completely soaked and frozen. then i bought some shiny galoshes. and it hasn't rained since.
where are the kids? that's a good question. these pictures were taken when i was afraid. we have to get written permission to photograph the kids for the yearbook. why? well, there are some kids here who "aren't really here" if you catch my drift...mostly italians and russians...
luckily, all my students will appear in the yearbook and, therefore, probably do not belong to families involved in anything shady.

probably.

things my life has been missing lately

1. deba
2. zumba
3. criminal minds reruns
4. mexicans

but not anymore, folks!!! ZUMBA IS BACK!!!!

(note: my life is still missing all those other things, but once i figure out illegal downloads we can scratch #3)

so it's not at gold's gym and the teacher is the mother of one of my students and i still look like an elephant walking on hot coals, but it's zumba!

maybe my life could be complete here after all...once i figure out how to download me some mexicans.

the roster

adiya is from kazakhstan, but speaks russian.
ada is from finland and speaks finnish.
etienne is from the us, but his mom is french-canadian, so he speaks french and english.
maria luiza is from brazil and speaks portuguese.
matteo was born in germany, lived in the us, and has an italian mother. he speaks english and italian.
anna is from russia and speaks russian.
kristina was born in london to an iranian mom and armenian dad. she speaks english.
dea is from croatia, but speaks albanian because her parents are from kosovo.
sara is an italian speaking italian.
alessia has italian parents, but lived in england so she speaks english and italian.

it's a good thing there are only 10 of them.

these are exotic flowers.

but they do not smell pretty.

i had to wear real shoes today=summer is over.

it's official. i am a 4th grade teacher at a private boarding school in switzerland. proof?

two of my students have louis vuitton backpacks.
i may be a poor country girl from out west, but even i know that louis vuitton is a BIG FAT WASTE OF MONEY!

but, sweetpagene, you might be thinking, how can you be sure it's not a cheap knock-off from a sketchy van in chinatown?

and i will answer your question with a question: do you know how much tuition costs at this school? hint: my yearly salary.

it's a real louis vuitton, and that's a real bentley they're picking up their darling in and those are real rocks on their fingers. the only thing not real about these people is their hair color, and possibly their chests. these kids grow up with more money than i could ever imagine.

but you know what?

they are still kids. they are shy on the first day of school. they hope their new teacher will like them. they forget to raise their hand. they get excited over getting a grown-up binder. they laugh and run and play at recess. they cry when they fall down. their cursive n's look like m's. they giggle about boyfriends. they ask over and over (and over) when lunch is. and they laugh at their teacher when she serenades them at the end of the day.

and you know what else?

they thought my $10 ratty bag from egypt was pretty darn cool.

i'm not immature

i promise.