rabies was not on my christmas list

but i got it anyway.

really.

(not really...i don't think)

i went out for a nice winter wonderland jog yesterday and was very much enjoying myself (don't you become euphoric when you start freezing to death?) when some dogs joined me. the village where my parents live has more dogs than people (also more horses than people and more pick-up trucks than people) so i wasn't surprised or alarmed when they came running up to me, barking. one jogged with me and the other kept barking at me and then had a chunk of my left calf for lunch. and when i say chunk i mean that it barely drew blood, but was still enough of a bite that rabies immediately began coursing through my veins. it wasn't until about a half mile later that i realized it hurt bad enough that MAYBE it broke my skin and i should look at it. sure enough, 2 teeth marks, a stream of blood and already some bruising. what's a girl to do? i kept running. (did 4 miles, not bad for someone with a rabies disability) went to the doctor, called animal control and now have a $100 bill for my jog. and the owners of the dog don't believe it happened because "we never have joggers on this road." air tight logic. i KNEW i should have just stayed home and eaten all the caramel chocolate covered pretzels my mom made. no one ever got rabies from being a couch potato.

another thing that was not on my christmas list:

after i mentioned my love for nutella's chocolatey goodness several months ago, one of my students brought me a giant jar for christmas and my excitement wasn't exaggerated. i had no bananas or cookies or spoons to dip in it, so i used what i had.

carrots. yum.

broccoli. yum.

PIZZA CRUST. YUM.

i'll take nutella over rabies any day.

i can tell i've been listening to too much reggae

because in spelling the other day, we had the word "joint" and i couldn't stop giggling.

i will not be sharing a homeless man's box

when i go to new york. i have officially found accommodation for the big trip and it's quite a steal. an entire apartment in manhattan to myself for less than $25 a night. i'm pretty sure willy would have charged more to share his box, but don't tell rosemary, she'll up the price on me. so now that i have a place to stay i am SO VERY EXCITED because one of my dreams is finally coming true. (dream small like me and your dreams come true all the time) i am going to be a new yorker for a whole week, a week that i have had planned out since i was 10 years old when the babysitter's club took a vacation to new york.

1)first order of business, central park. i care about one thing and one thing only in that park: strawberry fields. there i will lay a single long stemmed red rose on the imagine mosaic and shed a tear for john.

2)stake out the dakota. i don't care how long i have to sit there or how cold it is, i will wait till yoko ono comes out and gives me an autograph or photo. stalking john krasinski proved fruitful, so i have no reason to believe that yoko won't eventually give in. and because i can already feel that it's going to be a magical week, i will not be the least bit surprised when she invites me up for tea and there at the table will be paul and ringo. it will be delightful and i will probably pass out.

3)go see dave. i don't think he'll be filming during the last week of the year, but you never know. maybe he'll be at the office late "hanging out" with one of his interns and he'll let me play a game of "please stop calling me chief." at any rate, i'll get to see the ed sullivan theater where the beatles made their american debut. close second.

4)check out the hello deli and shake hands with rupert jee. i think it's strange that dave has him on the show all the time and yet he still is so painfully awkward. maybe that's just how he is. i'll let you know after i meet him.

5)take the ferry to ellis island and the statue of liberty. at lyndsey's suggestion i will buy a green foam crown so i can blend in with all the locals. nerd alert: i am REALLY excited to go to ellis island.

6)ground zero.

7)new year's eve in times square. yes, it's cliche, but i have ridden a camel at the pyramids and held up the leaning tower of pisa. obviously, i am comfortable being cliche. (maybe i will even stay until midnight)

8)stop by central perk and chat about nothing with phoebe and joey and rachel and chandler and monica and ross.

9)spend a night or two in the met like claudia in "from the mixed up files of mrs. basil e. frankweiler"

10)climb up all 102 flights of the empire state building. there is no real reason to do this, other than to justify

11)eating everything in sight.


after i am done being a tourist i will come home to my hamilton heights apartment and pretend that i just had a long day of work on wall street. i will walk fast and talk fast and take no lip, just like a real new yorker.

I. CAN'T. WAIT.

a list of thanks

1) i am thankful that although it is november there is still no snow because driving in that stuff is the only thing i hate about winter (besides indoor recess).
2) i am thankful that i will be spending my birthday in the city that never sleeps. i am going to party like it's 1999. (yeah, right)
3) i am thankful that i am so grown up that i get to host thanksgiving dinner in my new house, but i'm not going on a cleaning frenzy like my mom does the night before thanksgiving. i think i'll skip that tradition.
4) i am thankful for my new bookshelf (that i put together backwards).
5) i am thankful that i still don't have the swine flu even though i spend most of my time in tight quarters with 27 unhygienic kids who think nothing of picking their noses or hacking in others' faces.
6) i am thankful for those same 27 kidlets who are so excited to learn the thriller dance for the talent show. (it will be epic)
7) i am thankful for a friend who can read my thoughts and finish my sentences. (she is my perfect match)
8) i am thankful that i do not qualify for the biggest loser.
9) i am thankful for my gym which has so many attractive rippling male bodies that it is TOTALLY worth my membership fee.
10)i am thankful for one mom, one dad, three brothers and one nephew.

some like it hot

and that is one reason why i love indian food more than anything else in the world. so i twisted emily's arm and we went to india fusion immediately after school on wednesday. (we sometimes like to eat at four...with all the senior citizens) i hadn't been to india fusion for a long time and they had a new item on their menu: phall challenge! what is phall?

"it is one of the hottest forms of curry regularly available, even hotter than the vindaloo, using a large number of ground standard chili peppers, or a hotter type of chili such as scotch bonnet or habanero," says wikipedia.

and because i think i am rough tough stuff when it comes to spicy food and never one to back down from a dare (note i said dare. i hate being challenged, but i like dares.), i ordered the phall, despite the valiant attempts of the waitress to dissuade me. i knew i was in trouble when the fumes stung my eyes. (emily informed me later that the waitress said the chef has to wear a mask while preparing phall.) but i could not show any weakness. i dug in.

tears ran down my face. my nose dripped like a faucet. and for the first time in my spicy food career, i started sweating. my throat felt like it was closing up, so i was pretty sure i was going to suffocate. i couldn't taste a thing. (good thing i got the chicken and not the lamb, that would have been $3 down the drain) i also wanted to die. i was so miserable i politely asked my personal cheerleader to please stop talking. i had a 30 minute time limit and had actually finished half of it within 10 minutes. then i hit a wall. mostly because there were rumblings i'd never experienced, which i later realized was the sensation of my dinner burning holes through my vital internal organs. then deja vu: the same feeling i had this summer in egypt after being a little too carefree in what i ate: total and utter rejection by my previously supposed cast iron stomach. i visited the bathroom. (so glad it was clean, i spent lots of time there) i'll spare you the details, but i will say that it hurt just as much coming up (all 5 times) as it did going down.

so then we left. and emily felt so bad for me that she offered to buy me an ice cream (plus, i was hungry and that waitress did NOT box up my leftovers like she should have). we crossed the street to walmart where emily went to check out the ice cream and i went to check out the restrooms. luckily there was a screaming baby (i'm pretty sure her mom was pulling out her eyelashes) and two obnoxious teenagers, so no one heard me retch 3 more times. or if they did, i'm sure they all just thought it was part of the circus that is walmart. because after all, it makes perfect sense to leave the nice indian restaurant to throw up in the toilets of walmart. and what they say is true, the 8th time IS the charm because after that i felt just fine. (well, until the next day, but that is beside the point)

my new home is great

it has a blue wall.
well, actually, it's "soft jamaican dream" which, in case you are not fluent in wal-mart paint colors means: light turquoise. if that sounds ugly, you might be right. but i love it and i still sometimes just look at it and smile at my boldness. it's not for everybody, but it is for me and i'm the one who has to look at it...until b moves in. but he is getting such a good deal on his rent that he better just shut up. (by the way, i am planning to get some vinyl lettering on the blue wall as a welcome gift to b. it will say: b smells like butt. he will love it.)

anyway, there is one thing about my new home that is not so cool. it is that i now have cable. i have survived for the last several years with an old tv with bunny ears. it got two channels: fox and kjzz. and that was just fine because with those two channels i could watch all the shows in my triumvirate: the office, the simpsons, and friends. occasionally, if the weather was right and i stood in the right spot and held my breath and didn't blink, through the fuzz i could see the office on nbc. but that was a rare treat. so imagine my great surprise when i was checking out my future home and they said i could include their big fancy tv in the offer because they wanted to get rid of it (it wasn't so big and fancy that it was attached to the wall, but it was a far cry from my bunny ears). imagine my greater surprise when i found out that hoa fees for my future home included comcast cable. there was no getting around it: i have cable. me! world's biggest cheapskate! and i have taken full advantage of it. i have over 50 channels. Among them: four sports channels (one of which is dedicated entirely to golf, which got me thinking that if i ever want to torture someone before i murder them in my new home, i will tie them up and turn on the golf channel), disney (yuck), food network (yum), four spanish channels (don't need to go to paraguay anymore, i'll just turn on telemundo), bet (i had no idea that black people had their own network. watching it makes me feel like a spy), several others that i can't think of (still trying to memorize them all) and the piece de resistance: the travel channel (76) and the history channel (10)!!! the travel channel has been highly disappointing, but oh, the history channel. it's everything i've ever dreamed of. i've learned about a brothel in pompeii, the first 24 hours after jfk's assassination, david koresh and waco, the history of the universe, vlad the impaler, a big hurricane in connecticut and several facts about the states (did you know that the state tree of south carolina is the palmetto? this is one of many useless and uninteresting facts i have learned while watching "the states"). it is so exciting. and when tv is slow on the history channel, i can almost always find a nice rerun of csi: miami or criminal minds. it is a couch potato's dream come true. this newly acquired cable will be the death of me. i will lose my job and gain 50 pounds and sink into a deep depression. there will be a permanent imprint on my couch and the cops will be called in because of the smell. and all because i couldn't turn off the law and order marathon on spike.

i can't wait.

i've been racking up the frequent flyer miles for years

ok, so maybe if i was really "racking them up" it wouldn't take me 5 years to accumulate enough to fly out of state. but the point is, i finally have enough to go somewhere in the continental u.s. (no alaska ice fishing for me) so for months i have been trying to find the perfect opportunity to spend my miles and have a free trip. new york? dc? boston? this is not a decision i have taken lightly, what with my inherent cheapskate-ness. i did not want to waste those miles. but after months of deliberating i have finally made my decision. on february 4th i will be flying to....





IOWA!!


and unfortunately, i am not even joking about that.

good times await me in cedar rapids, iowa, my friend. in fact, their official website says

"Cedar Rapids is a vibrant city, encompassing unique attractions, exciting events, specialty shopping, a dynamic arts scene, and a cosmopolitan nightlife."

yeah, right. when they say "vibrant city" do they really mean "quiet farm town"? "unique attractions" or "oh, look. another corn field"? exciting events? well, that one might be true. i will be spending my time at the convention center interviewing for jobs. and i really can't think of an event more exciting than a job fair at a crowded, noisy convention center full of overeager teachers...except maybe standing in line to get a swine flu shot.

so, i have wasted 35,000 of my precious and rare miles on a weekend trip to dynamic and cosmopolitan cedar rapids. but, if it gets me my dream job in paraguay, then it will be totally worth it. besides, at least i didn't have to fork out $400+ for a ride to iowa, like some chumps i know. (hi, emily) that would be way more depressing.

i'll send a postcard.

i may be soccer's newest fan

or at least kyle beckerman's. i love a guy in dreads.

my friend, bridget, was in town for a xango conference. do you know what xango is? i didn't either. turns out it's this fancy juice from some exotic indonesian fruit that has magical healing powers and the ability to make one eternally youthful and obscenely wealthy. at least that's the impression i got from the people at this conference. i didn't attend the conference, but i did attend the soccer game with the conference goers whose company sponsors the team (or something like that). i've never seen a major league soccer game and this cheapskate is not one to turn down anything that's free, especially something that i'd never pay for.

i was as surprised as the next guy to find out that i had a great time. maybe it was the free xango shots they kept passing around. maybe it was throwing orange crepe paper rolls when the team made a goal. maybe it was the attractive foreigners below us who were cheering as loudly as if it was their own team. maybe it was hearing songs from my best summer ever with my friend from my best summer ever. or maybe, JUST MAYBE, it was actually really fun to watch a good soccer game. boy, those guys know how to kick some balls.

ps. after the game there was a tent set up where you could drink hot chocolate, apple cider, or xango wassail. being the good xango disciples they were, everyone flocked over to the wassail. and in all honesty, it's pretty tasty stuff. so tasty, that i made myself sick from drinking so much. just drinking it won't make you obscenely wealthy, apparently you have to sell it to do that. why didn't somebody tell me that before i overdosed on xango? now i'll only have my eternal youth to keep me happy.

sometimes there's not much to say

and that's why i don't say anything for nearly a month. it would be so handy if i had kids and i could blog about how i am hand sewing their matching halloween costumes or about their disgusting poop stories, but my arsenal of anecdotes only has stories of me. boring. but that is ok. here are some boring things that have happened since mexifest.

1) ran a 5k. and when i say "ran" i mean "very slowly jogged...in fact it was so slow that i probably could have walked it faster." and i beat my previous time. not by a whole lot, mind you, but 14 seconds is still an improvement. one day i hope to run a 5k in less time than it takes me to watch an episode of the office. i even won a prize. (no, not for slowest runner) everyone won a prize. i won a water bottle and a t-shirt. the t-shirt was a size small and i am not, but i put it on anyway. it fit about as well as a sausage casing fits a sausage: snugly.

2) survived parent teacher conferences. that is a major feat. i hate those things. and to make it worse, i had a cold. i made sure to blow my nose very loudly while conferencing with parents who bugged me. luckily, there were few. the pta made us a nice dinner, which i ate tons of and couldn't taste at all.

3) planned and then cancelled my first trip to new york city. it was everything i hoped it would be.

4) went to our local oktoberfest. turns out not all fests are created equal. it was lame. not enough lederhosen and too much snow. where were all the blond germans and their walking sticks?

5) bought a condo. just yesterday, i signed my life away. totally worth it though: they gave me a gift basket. AND the realtor took me to dinner. AND i got to leave school early. it was a pretty great day for a monday.

i am so glad that mexico is independent

because it sure is a good reason to have a fiesta. i was so excited when i found out about the fiesta mexicana and EL GRITO, i immediately called my friend, emily, and said that i found something even better than greek fest: mexifest!! emily suggested we do both...brilliant.

six years ago i was in mexico for independence day. i stood in the crowd of exuberant mexicans listening to the mayor on a balcony above us talk about all the great things about mexico (tequila and enchiladas, mainly). then we did "el grito" (the shout). it consisted of him shouting, "Viva Mexico!" and we'd respond "VIVA!!" each time louder than the last. then there was cheering and singing and dancing and much merrymaking. i loved it. i love mexicans and their culture. i loved lying in my bed at night listening to the neighbor's fiesta music every night. i loved eating pig skins wrapped in tortillas. i loved going to the wal-mart in chihuahua and being greeted by, not a man with carts, but a mariachi band in full costume WITH A TRUMPET. i loved seeing ruins among the tumbleweed and cactus. i loved living with the vizcainos and eating lupe's cooking every day. i loved eating tortas with peppers so hot my face went numb. i loved saluting the flag hitler style and singing the national anthem with gusto every monday morning at school. i have very fond memories of mexico, so i was SO EXCITED to be able to do el grito in the company of mexicans again. (my class and i did el grito on cinco de mayo last year, but it's not the same with 26 pasty-faced third graders.)

first, we went to the greek fest: delicious gyros, loukoumathes, spanakopita, dolmathes. fun dances. hot greek guys getting wasted. all things i love. and normally, that would be heavenly enough. but i had other things on my mind. we walked to fiesta mexicana and i was one happy girl. we listened to the music, we drank the horchata, we ate the empanadas, i won a cd of crappy mexican songs and then the moment arrived. we were led in el grito by some guy:
Viva la independencia de Mexico! Viva!
Viva la patria! Viva!
Viva Hidalgo! Viva!
Viva Mexico! VIVA!
Viva Mexico! VIVA!!!
Viva Mexico! VIVA!!!

then we immediately started singing el himno nacional. i sang it with such enthusiasm you'd think i was born and bred mexican. there were small children frightened by my singing, but i didn't care. after the himno we listened to some mariachi and then left, knowing the best was over. so we walked back to the train and stumbled across ANOTHER FIESTA!! first greek fest, then mexifest, now mexifest PART 2?!?! this was shaping up to be a great day. we walked right in and found ourselves in the midst of a much smaller party. also, we were the ONLY white people there. maybe that's why the group of guys started laughing at us. then we started dancing to the cheesy mexican pop band that was playing. that is definitely why the second group of guys started laughing at us. i was feeling bold (and giddy, of course: 2 mexifests!!!) so i said, what's so funny?!?!? and the whole second group came over to us and 2 of them asked us to dance. so we did. the dance area had about 20 people in it and then there were 100 or so people sitting in chairs watching the dancers and the band. and we went right up to the middle of the dance area and started boogie-ing the night away. in front of all the spectators. with our bags slung over our shoulders. with 2 attractive mexicans. the people dancing were fairly tame dancers (as most people are). i am not one of those people. i like to think i'm no slouch on the dance floor, but i've seen videos that prove otherwise. i look ridiculous. and really, that knowledge should stop me, but it doesn't. despite being the biggest spectacle of the night, we had a great time. it got even better when we decided it was time to go (we'd humiliated ourselves enough and it was close to bedtime: 10 pm) and these guys asked us for our phone numbers. we were totally unprepared and had not had adequate time to prepare a good excuse (i'm sorry, i only date guys who have social security numbers) so we gave them our numbers. i did not even have the presence of mind to give a fake number. i was still reeling with the success of my dance performance, i guess. then they mexi-kissed us on the cheeks and we left. keep in mind, this was all done in front of 100 spectators (fans). i hope they enjoyed watching our love story unfold. happy birthday, mexico lindo!

i wonder when the india fest is.

i was sitting at a stop light

and happened to notice the car in front of me with this license plate:

CRNRWRKR

sound it out. what do you get? CORNER WORKER!?!?!

was this person really announcing that she is a prostitute? what boldness! what class! if she is, she should really raise her rates. her car was in much worse shape than mine and i drive a honda. and i'm just a

POORTCHR

what's her excuse?

i should have been a rock star

my dad groomed me from the time i was small by teaching me how to play air guitar to pink floyd songs. (he is the master) i honed my skills at college with robin to "more than a feeling." (it has a riff that sounds awesome on air guitar) i also tried learning the actual guitar, but that didn't take. (a real guitar makes it MUCH more difficult to lie on the floor and spin in a circle while playing.) and i've always had this secret fantasy of being an amazing singer and wowing everybody with my hidden talent. the family christmas party last year was where i discovered the one thing i had been missing: guitar hero. GUITAR HERO!?!? THAT'S ME! i played all night with my brothers and cousins, completely monopolizing the game and using all my signature air guitar moves, this time with a guitar that had buttons. best christmas party ever. so THEN about a month later a group of people from work got together to play rock band, which i learned was guitar hero plus drums PLUS A MICROPHONE!!! here was my chance to wow everyone with my hidden talent! i rocked to bon jovi "dead or alive" and the guess who "american woman". there was a little voice in the back of my head telling me that i was making a fool of myself, but i didn't care. i was a rock star. it may have been in somebody's basement on a video game, but that was inconsequential. i was a rock star.

end of part 1.

you will never meet a bigger beatles fan than i. my high school best friend, lyndsey, and i were obsessed. we read countless books about them. she even had a beatles encyclopedia. our walls were covered in posters. we made music videos. (see? rock star.) we fantasized about meeting them, wondering if we'd be the screamers, the criers or the fainters. (lyns=screamer. me=crier.) our low point was when we bought beatles trading cards. we astounded (aka annoyed) people with our knowledge of useless beatles trivia (paul mccartney's first name? james.) we even paid real money to see a beatles tribute band. and george harrison's real sister was there and we followed her around because she was GEORGE HARRISON'S SISTER!!! we made plans to visit central park on the anniversary of john lennon's death (and still secretly hope to do that). my aunt took me to a ringo starr concert once (it was 100% cheesy, but do you think the 50-year-old women and i cared about that? we did not.) one of the top 10 most memorable travel experiences (yes, i have a list for that) was crossing the actual abbey road in london with my friend, sara, and spending an HOUR trying to get the perfect shot. anyway, high school ended and we packed away our books and posters and memorabilia (except for the sgt. pepper salt & pepper shakers, i still use those), but kept out the cds (it is about the music after all, isn't it?)and t-shirts (the beatles are still the most represented band in my t-shirt drawer.) we didn't stop loving them, but we did stop being so pathetic about it. and though their music doesn't make a regular appearance in my itunes, i still consider them my favorite band of all time.

end of part 2.

put rock band and the beatles together and what do you get? you get me. this saturday. in best buy. playing the demo version of beatles rock band (not yet released) ripping it up on those plastic guitars and singing my guts out to "i feel fine," (the microphone wasn't even hooked up) much to the embarrassment of my mother, whom i forced to play drums, and matty, whom i forced to play bass. when that 3 minutes of bliss was over and they tried to leave, i screeched, "ONE MORE!!" and bless their hearts, they resigned themselves to more humiliation while i belted out "can't buy me love" with all the feeling i had.

laugh all you want, best buy employees, you've just met a rock star.

united pigs of america has been temporarily suspended

but only temporarily, believe you me. upa is a club started by my friend, amanda and her friend when they were in middle school. meetings consisted of getting together and eating a whole lot of food, so when amanda told me of upa, i knew immediately this was a cause i could whole-heartedly support.

amanda and i decided to resurrect upa on our trip to st. moritz after the 2 of us ate a plate of raclette intended for 4 people. raclette consists of pouring melted cheese over any and everything: potatoes (there were enough to feed an entire irish county), tiny onions, prosciutto, pickles, olives, bread, tomatoes. it may sound gross, but trust me, it's not. although you can actually feel yourself getting fatter and your arteries filling with fat (or is it cheese?).

upa convened regularly this summer. on day trips. on campus. overnight trips. evenings off. staff meetings. it was easy to find recruits. we even got rich to be in charge of upa international: he's british. we ate whole pizzas (in our defense, those things are very thin). we tried all the unusual toppings on the menu: salmon, walnuts, dandelion leaves, cream cheese, artichokes, whole broccoli, eggplant, buffalo milk cheese, zucchini, whole raw egg, tuna, sweet peas. (i may not speak much italian, but i am fluent in reading italian menus). we had rabbit and polenta, cannoli, gnocchi, every pasta imaginable. sara li, the local gelateria, was a daily and sometimes twice daily stop on our itinerary. we had every kind of cheese switzerland offers (really it's surprising there weren't more digestive problems among upa members). we piled on the cafeteria food, even though it was cafeteria food. it was not uncommon to order more than one dessert. the pinnacle of the summer of overindulgence was when six gold status members of upa celebrated the end of summer in style during a day trip at a restaurant in bellinzona:

2 appetizers? check.
MORE than 6 entrees? check.
6 profiterols? check. (think, chocolate cream puff filled with ice cream drizzled in chocolate)
1 giant order of chocolate fondue? check.
sips of chocolate fondue after the fruit was gone? check.

it was a glorious gluttonous time.

but all good things come to an end and we put upa to sleep for a season. it is no coincidence that once my upa membership expired, i joined another, better-known club: gold's gym

i sure hate that place.

you knew this was coming

session 2 happiness:

1) quizzo team winning AGAIN!-the nerd games of "guess the acronym" and "world capitals" that b and i used to play FINALLY came in handy...do YOU know the capital of armenia? didn't think so.
2) short ross totally schooling tall ross in a wrestling match. when i implored tall ross to stop being such a wimp, he said, "sweetpagene, i'm a lover, not a fighter!" short ross definitely proved that...twice.
3) "sweat" really was the song of the summer...it ended up on the official cd
4) hearing the french classes singing this ridiculous song...and how i couldn't stop head bobbing to the music

5) going to movieland with katie, julie and bridget. the highlight: being straddled by zorro, who was not as sexy up close as we had previously thought.
6) the best dinner table ever assigned: joakim (sweden), enis (turkey), david (france) and joel (switzerland) LOVE THOSE BOYS!
7) the zurich day trip ending with a dance party on the bus courtesy of driver marco's excellent taste in music and willingness to drive with the overhead light flashing...so what if the kids thought we were weird?
8) this time i LOVED the spanish speaking kids (probably because they were not from spain)
9) gossiping with the russian girls about who kissed whom at the semi-formal dance...nothing like summer camp love
10) surprise water balloon attack on the staff of our rival program on our last night there, showing them who's on top in lugano...perfect way to end the summer
11) session 2 2009:
      best.
      kids.
      ever.

i tried to put it into words

but i can't. i'm no poet. just know that i have a big dopey grin on my face that will likely last for days.

and it's all because someone cares...and cares enough to show it.

this is why i love brett

on a beautiful summer's evening we were sitting in a grotto on the shores of lake lugano. it was a bittersweet time, most of us were leaving the next day and this would be our last time together. the view was spectacular, the food delicious and the company unbeatable. there was a pleasant lull in the conversation which brett decided to fill with this:

"i think bats are so misunderstood. i mean, what do you first think of when you hear the word "bats"? evil, that's what."

me (turning to nicky and whispering, incredulously): did he just say that bats are misunderstood?

brett: shut up, sweetpagene.

me: i just wanted to make sure i heard you right. i think of rabies, when i hear the word "bats".

t-bone: i think of echolocation.

brett didn't like our thinly veiled sarcasm so he decided to steer the conversation in another direction.

brett: (very gravely) what do you guys think of when you see the number 48?

ross: one less than 49

nicky: close to 50

me: (trying really hard not to laugh that they are taking him so seriously)

brett: because i live in room 48 and every time i see it on my door, you know what i automatically think? 6 x 8

all: (nodding with newfound enlightenment)

sure will miss that guy.

i guess i'm homeless

warning: this is grouchy post...with a happy ending.

within a few hours of arriving home i found out that the condo that was supposed to be built while i was gone has been cancelled. it is no longer being built. and my health insurance rates went up. and then i went to work training (where i heard the same thing i'd heard the previous 4 years) and people kept asking stupid question after stupid question. and i got proof that my boss hates me. and along with my sadness of leaving my friends and school in europe, all i could think about was how i don't get paid enough to do this and why do i tell people i love this job? i was so happy to be home that i wanted to punch someone in the face. i seriously considered walking right out of training, taking all the money i'd saved for a down payment and running off to south america. (pretty sure my dollars would go far there) then yesterday we had the "meet your teacher" day and i met my new class. i am indifferent to them...give me a couple of months and i will be head over heels in love with them. BUT THEN, marcus streaked around the corner and ran full speed into my arms. i had to peel him off. then came lucy...and malia...and dominick...and amoni...and alyssa...and cayden...and kami...and davon...and sydney...and every kid who caused me to cry on the last day of school because letting them go was tearing me up inside. and then i remembered...oh yeah, THEY are why i love my job. THEY are why i'm here. and it made all the difference in my terrible horrible no good very bad day.

plus, on the drive home, i remembered that i've never had a problem that this guy didn't make better.

kaya.
on repeat.
the whole way home.

...it's good to be back.

the fat lady has sung

she really did, i have proof. but that's not the point. the point is, it's over and here i am sitting at my parent's house (because i am officially homeless) wondering if the best summer ever actually happened. i used the phrase "best summer ever" last year too, but it's true again. i was getting really tired and ready to leave, but not ready to come back to real life...i was ready to go into limbo, i guess. but here i am, back to work and bills and stress and not eating everything in sight. and so, because it's what i do best and also to prevent myself from falling into the depths of deepest despondency, here's a list of the things i'll miss the most from my new and improved best summer ever:

1)being in a place where eating a whole pizza is perfectly acceptable (and yes, i took full advantage of that tolerance)
2)work starting at noon
3)not cooking my own meals
4)practicing my russian (and also my english with a russian accent...i'm pretty fluent)
5)meeting kids from nearly every country in the world
6)gelato...especially pistachio, canela, limone, nutellino, panna cotta, nocciola, and bacio
7)that my biggest worry is waking up in enough time to wake up the girls
8)those breathtaking alps
9)having something to look forward to every single day
10)the people i worked with whom i've grown to love (that's a whole list in itself)

and just because it's over, doesn't mean that i'm going to stop talking about it...so expect more stories and probably another list or two.

i didn't think i was a fan of opera

but maybe i am after all. i went to verona this weekend. that is where romeo and juliet lived:

"Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,"

well, if they had been real, that's where they would have lived. our tour guide kept saying that maybe they had really existed, but i think that's because he didn't want us to realize the absurdity of visiting the house of someone who never lived. i didn't care, though, it's verona. i was trip leader, which basically just means that if we lose any kids, i get blamed. we had two other chaperones and 15 kids, just right. i knew it was going to be an interesting weekend when, after being in the bus less than half an hour we approached the border and girl chaperone said, "everyone, we are crossing the border soon so sit up straight in your chairs." at first i thought she was kidding. so i laughed. but then she shot me a dirty look and i cut it off. i'm not sure what her reasoning was, but i WAS sure that seeing a bunch of 12 year olds in matching t-shirts slouching in their seats was not going to arouse the suspicion of the border police. as if bad posture was the first sign of a future of lawlessness...and maybe loose women. really, though, it was fun. the kids got to shop, which is all they really cared about. we got to eat, which is all we really cared about. the opera was in an ancient roman theater, which i found very exciting: i had visions of myself as a patrician woman. the show started at 9 pm and ended at 1 am, so i had already resigned myself to falling asleep. i thought most of the kids would join me in my slumber, but nope, when one am rolled around, only one person needed to be nudged. although i only understood a few of the words (it never really occurred to me before that the singers were not just singing nonsense) i loved it. it was beautiful-the set, the costumes, the orchestra, and of course, the voices. the whole evening was another of those magical times when i realize how lucky i am to be here and have this job and do all these things i do...for free...while getting paid. i wouldn't trade it for anything. and of the 8000 euro i was given to pay for the trip, i only lost five and we made it back to lugano with 15 kids. if that's not a successful trip, i don't know what is.

just when i think it can't get any better

i go canyoning. every time i tried to get a good definition of canyoning, i heard the words waterfalls, rocks, and SCARY. i always thought i was pretty brave, but it turns out i'm a big chicken. i learned that while trying to scuba dive the great barrier reef. i am terribly afraid of the ocean, but i figured the best way to overcome my fear was to face it, so i attempted to do a baby dive on the reef, because really, diving is the only way to see it, they say. i learned, however, that facing your fears does not actually result in you overcoming them, but facing your fears results in a panic attack. i tried three times and panicked three times. so i gave up and snorkeled like a chump and then sat on the boat feeling sorry for myself while the nice dutch instructor brought me food slathered in mayonnaise. i think he thought that more mayonnaise would make me feel better. he was right. but anyway, this is not about hyperventilation or tasty food condiments, this is about canyoning and how i was terrified...even though i signed up for it.

we got to the place after only 2 wrong turns (props to ari's driving, but not my navigating) and donned 3 layers of neoprene-a wet suit and two other layers that were terribly difficult to put on (and they smelled bad). ari and i had a great time taking ninja pictures until we realized the kids were ready and our instructors were impatient.

 we were supposed to take a cable car to the canyon, but it was "broken" so we hiked...for an hour...uphill...in 85 degree weather...in 3 layers of neoprene. i wanted to punch our instructor in his very attractive face. however, we got to the starting spot and the freezing water actually turned out to be a nice reward for the death march. and it was absolutely beautiful. we were in a very remote spot, but there, surrounded by trees was a charming stone cottage with a water wheel. the river ran by the side of the cottage and pink and white flowers grew along the banks, framing the cottage. about 10 feet behind the cottage was a waterfall that pooled behind the cottage. the whole picture was breathtaking...so was the water. we climbed up rocks to a cliff about 20 feet above a pool in the river and jumped off. i hate the high dive, i did it once when i was a kid and it hurt so bad i never did it again. but there's something about being in place like this, having these amazing experiences, (and also my helmet and layers that made me feel invincible) that makes me do things i'd never do at home...so i jumped. other than the six gallons of water that shot up my nose and into my brain, it was thrilling. i was so pleased with myself. but there was more. we slid down boulders and waded through pools. we hit a waterfall, so we had to rapell down the side. rapelling was fun, but the rocks were slippery and three times i lost my footing and slammed into the side of the moss covered rock. finally the instructor gave up on me and dropped me into the water. loved it. the climax came when we reached yet another waterfall. this one was not suitable for rapelling, it was suitable for sliding. we laid down at the top of the waterfall and the instructor pushed us off a slippery rock. we couldn't see where the waterfall ended until we had surfaced off the bottom. the drop was over 25 feet and 23 of those feet were freefall. other than the additional six gallons of water in my brain, it was amazing. all in all, a great time...but i'll probably never do it again. i might be brave now, but i'm no fool.

i have some things on my mind

yesterday i met the headmaster of the elementary school here. he's from my state. he knows people from my hometown. he also knows my boss at home. and he offered me a teaching job here during the academic year. i find it a strange coincedence that on the other side of the world i meet someone with so many connections. it's also rather convenient that all my belongings are in a storage unit and my home that i should have bought in june has no official scheduled completion date. i have dreamed of teaching abroad. i have a decision to make. this is one thing on my mind.

boys are confusing. i don't usually bother with them too much. it's too much work, you know. but once in a while, one will get under my skin. i hate that. i especially hate it when he's the exact opposite of everything i'm looking for, but i like him anyway. and it's so frustrating when that boy really likes me, even more than i like him. but then it's confusing when he changes his mind overnight. this is another thing on my mind.

i missed laundry day today. this is so annoying. i may not have enough clothes to last until the next laundry pick up. this is one more thing on my mind.

and swirling amidst all these things in my mind is this song. i can't get it out of my head. but that's ok. because it is so catchy.

i just can't stop with 10

after i posted yesterday about 10 memories that i love, more and more kept coming to my head, so here's round 2 of my first session happiness:

1) helping team russia show their national pride at culture night...and quietly
singing their anthem with them

2) being t-bone's wingman as he flirted it up with the girl at the lido
3) watching the kids hang over the sides of the boat on lake como
4) the car accident caused at the swiss mini park freeway because 2 italian boys thought you were allowed to play with the cars
5) chasing the boys to the park with the wiffle bat...and then cramming all the kids in tiny space while we waited for the rain to stop
6) katie and i deciding that "sweat" is our official song for the summer
7) 4 giddy turkish girls telling me about their crush on a counselor
8) koshiro, who speaks not a word of english, playing his violin perfectly at the talent show
9) ivan, the hooligan, playing his guitar and singing angelically...our jaws were all scraping the floor...who knew?

10) the horn not working in the van, so when we needed to honk at someone, brigitte yelling out the window, "BEEP BEEP!!!"
11) face paint and water fight with ahmed at the carnival

by the way, i was assiged to his team last night just to make sure the dirty cheater didn't cheat.

out with the old

and in with the new. our new group of kids arrived yesterday and it was not a moment too soon. as great as the first batch was, boy, do they get on your nerves. the new group is still sweet and innocent and we all still like each other. three weeks however, is plenty of time to change that.

between sessions we had about 2 days off and a group and i headed to zermatt to see the matterhorn because how can you go to switzerland and not see the matterhorn right? ugh. it was the worst trip i've ever been on. i was sick, we left 2 hours late, we didn't bring enough tents, there were too many people (15) note to self: never travel with 14 people. by the time we got to zermatt it was 4:00 and it was too late to go paragliding so i was in an awful mood. i thought, at least i'll be able to see the matterhorn. i walked to the lookout bridge, looked up and there it was: BEHIND A CLOUD!! the entire thing. i nearly cried.

 and i did not smile for hours. and my throat hurt so bad. then it started to rain. worst. day. ever. i slept in some stranger's spare room (long story) and he just happened to have a balcony and in the morning at 6:00, the sky was clear. and guess what i saw in all its majesty? the matterhorn. and it's beautiful. worth that awful day? probably not. but it made me appreciate coming back to school and look forward to the new kids. and so, in honor of the new and old, here are 10 (+1) memories i love of first session and 10 things i look forward to in second session (i love lists):

1) dasha sobbing, "why you do me so unhappy?"
2) making it my goal to make sure that ahmed the dirty cheater did not win
3) going to italy several times a week
4) finding my groove thing at the semi-formal dance

5) 12 gelati
6) beating marco at mini golf and thereby earning myself 5 francs
7) ilya giving me chocolate to say thanks and good bye
8) watching our version of the starship enterprise sink immediately to the bottom of lake lugano (and watching with satisfaction as ross' boat did the same)
9) being yelled at by the crazy italian in the golf cart for parking in his camperworld
10) ivan, who on the last day of camp, asked me why the music teacher was so black (i know you don't see too many black people in russia, but come on.)
11) secretly giving more fake money to my favorite kids during casino night


1) tennis with brett twice a week and laughing the whole time
2) russians
3) no cliques of turkish girls
4) going to verona and seeing where romeo and juliet lived
5) exploring movieland tomorrow
6) 12 more gelati
7) won the egg drop contest tonight. go team!
8) another talentless talent show
9) swiss national day on the lake with fireworks...and 120 middle schoolers...does it GET any better than that?

10) doing it all over again

can i don't go to swimming?

that's what ivan said to me when i told him to go put on his bathing suit. i love the way these kids translate from their language into english, using their own grammar. other phrases that make me very, very happy:

"can i hev?"
"i don't want"
"where i must go?"
"what we do?"
"can i put waterwear?"
"can i get photo machine?" (this was actually from a turk who is fluent in english, so we felt it was ok to make fun of her for this)
"i go horse" (from a russian who wanted to go horseback riding)
"when we shop?"
"where miguel is?"
"if i show you, promise you willn't tell?" (ivan wanted to show me his contraband goods...i don't know why this kid thinks i'm in cahoots with him.)
"sank you werry much."

i love this job.

ps. today rintaro sang "video killed the ladio stal"

von trapping in the alps

is a great way to spend your day. i spent the last 2 days in st. moritz that fancy pants ski resort town. i am not fancy pants, but i did wear pants because unlike my part of switzerland, it was not 150 degrees there. our first day there we took a funicular very high up a mountain and then hiked for about 10 minutes. we decided to stop hiking because one can only handle so much whining from 17 spoiled children. so we got on the trail that was only slightly uphill (they still whined) and i realized that I WAS VON TRAPPING!!! in my head, we were escaping the nazis. in my head, we were wearing matching clothes made from curtains (we actually were wearing matching t-shirts). in my head, we were singing harmoniously about hills coming alive. we were up so high that we could see 5 lakes, one behind the other. it was a lovely, beautiful time...until marco found dried cow dung in perfect frisbee shapes. so what did marco do? started playing frisbee, of course. and then, when that wasn't fun anymore, he started throwing it at the rest of us. i warned him that if the dung hit me, he would get it rubbed in his face. let's just say that marco has since learned that i am a girl of my word.

i am so tired

all the time. these pubescent foreign children really knock me out. but they are so funny, too. rintaro is from japan. he enjoys singing various abba songs during art. and because he has a very stereotypical accent it usually sounds like this: "mamma mia! now i rearry know...why, why, i could never ret you go." and his english teacher, anna, played a killers song "human" and rintaro walked around all day singing, "are we human...or are we dancers?" i never stop raughing when he's around. then there's ivan from russia who, for some reason, has become my special friend. we have a rule that the kids can't keep food or drinks in their dorms and when we find it, we confiscate it. ivan was cheerfully skipping along after ross (not the jane austen fan, different ross), who was fuming. i asked ivan if he was in trouble and he whispered to me, as if i were his accomplice, "yes, they have found my coca cola." and he was pleased as punch. it is good fun. i won't tell you about the spanish kids who curse at us in espanol...or the turkish girls who bully the other girls. this is a happy place.

actual conversation

between me and my friend, ross. ross is all guy, so i was mocking him for paying real money to rent the notebook:

me: what other girl movies do you watch?

ross: i'm not telling.

me: do you like jane austen movies? those are pretty girly.

ross: who's jane austen?

me: you know, she wrote pride and prejudice.

ross: i don't watch those cop shows. i hate them all: csi, law and order, pride and prejudice.



all i can say for ross is this: it's a good thing he's pretty.

top 10 things you will hear me say at camp this summer

10-"where's your water bottle?"
9-"how do you say your name?"
8-"where are you from?"
7-"SIT DOWN!"
6-"do you think it's a good idea to go on a hike wearing heels?"
5-"if you want gelato, you better come when i tell you to."
4-"lights out means lights out, not 5 more minutes."
3-"say it in english, please."
2-"how many houses/boats/small countries does your family own?"
1-"you did not shower. i can still smell you. try again."

lizards gross me out

which i why i was thoroughly disgusted to find one ON MY BED when i got out of the shower. you see, i normally associate lizards with deserts and cacti, but for some reason, switzerland is overrun with the things. i'm not kidding. you walk along the sidewalk and you can hear the scurrying of dozens of 8 inch lizards. and if you're sitting on the grass still enough, they will even start to climb on you. needless to say, i don't sit on the grass very often. so anyway, i saw this lizard on my bed and i wanted to cry i was so repulsed. then i thought maybe my new roommates were playing a joke until i saw his tail twitch. i tried to shoo him away, but he was very content to stay where he was. i got my shoe and pushed him and he ran across the length of my bed, contaminating the whole thing. my roommate, sarah, came in the room and saw me with my shoe in my hand and yelled, "DON'T HURT BUSTER!!" BUSTER?!?! THIS THING HAS A NAME?!?!? according to them, that thing had been in the room since we got here and he's been hiding out. they thought he was so cute and harmless. it took half an hour and i was all sweaty at the end but i got buster out of the room for good. my roommates were actually sad about the disappearance of their "pet" because he eats the bugs. WHAT BUGS? so i promised that i would personally buy anything we needed to get rid of any bugs as long as they would be vigilant in keeping the door closed so buster (or his friends) couldn't sneak back in. then, when nobody was looking, i changed my sheets and pillowcase. i was not about to put my face where those scaly little reptile legs had been. i guess it could be worse: last summer the guys found a 3 FOOT SNAKE in their apartment. they aren't quite the animal lovers that my roommates are: they not only killed him, but they didn't even name him.

this is why i love b

b is my little brother. and when i say little i mean younger because he is actually very tall. i have another younger brother named matty who loves cats. (ew) and he has had a lot of cats. and they always meet their end on the very busy highway in front of my parents' house. my mom, deba, was getting ready one morning and heard the sickening thud that comes when cat and tire meet at high speeds. not wanting tenderhearted matty to see his cat laying on the road, she went into b's room to recruit some help retrieving the cat. "b, matty's cat just got hit by a car, come help me take care of it." he responded to her, sleepy and annoyed, "i am so tired of scraping matt's cats off the road." but he did it anyway.

getting dead sea in your eye hurts real bad

so it might not be a good idea to splash very much when you're bobbing up and down. but if you DO get dead sea in your eye, don't use your hand to rub your eye because chances are, you also have dead sea on your hand. after looking helplessly around you, you'll probably realize that the only way to remedy the situation is go to the showers on the beach. this task is made considerably more difficult because you now only have one functioning eye which severely hinders your depth perception. but you will probably make it to the shower, despite stumbling like a drunkard, and you will rinse the dead sea out of your eye and all will be well. but whatever you do, no matter how tempting it is, don't taste the dead sea. it is so much grosser than regular ocean water. trust me on this one.

my friend, emily, is going to a stud farm this week

doesn't that sound like the perfect place to find a husband?



i wonder which one she'll choose.

i probably wouldn't make a very good spy

the other day i was eavesdropping on a russian tour group. i love doing this. whenever i hear that language that is music to my ears i get a big, dopey grin on my face. plus, i think eavesdropping is great practice for when i become a spy. so here i am having a jolly time when i heard a very puzzling conversation. the tour guide gives the russian woman a magnet with the king and queen of jordan on it (these people love their king. his picture is everywhere.) really, that should have been a clue to me, but i think my brain was overheated.

russian woman: you have a very beautiful bunny.
guide: yes, our bunny is very beautiful.
woman: your bunny is beautiful and very young.
guide: well, our king married the bunny when they were both young.

once i figured out my mistake i was so embarrassed. not that i confused the words "bunny" and "queen", because sometimes that happens. what was so embarrassing was that it took me the ENTIRE conversation to figure out that they were not actually discussing bunnies. so if the government is ever going to put the safety of their bunnies in my hands, i better brush up on that russian.

yesterday i saw petra...

...and it was magnificent.

this is not a commitment

i am joining the blogging world. for real this time. welcome. thank you for coming. probably starting a blog when the computer is in arabic is not the smartest thing in the world but i've got some free time, so let's get acquainted:

sometimes i listen to the same song over and over and over. sometimes i imagine i'm a rock star when i sing that song real loud while i'm driving atticus. i give human names to inanimate objects. sometimes i love my job and sometimes i hate it. sometimes i read too many books at once. i have very strong opinions that i keep to myself. sometimes i think the time life infomercials are just about the best thing on tv. i cannot stay awake through movies. i do not own a gun so my grandpa thinks i am a hippy. one time i met jim from the office and sometimes i relive that glorious day in my head.

i am sitting here and a pop remix of no woman, no cry is blasting out on the street. it is a happy, happy moment. arabs have great taste in music. my time is up. more later.