lessons learned and moving on.

hey there. it's been a while. at robin's insistence, here i am. (i kind of adore robin, so i pretty much do what she says. except move to florida.) i haven't felt much like writing a real post in a long time. (when i say "real" i mean "funny") i wanted to spare my four readers from what i've been feeling, but robin said "it's your life, neeners! i want to hear it...bitter and all." (of course i adore her, why else would i allow her to call me that ridiculous name?) and besides, life isn't always funny, right? RIGHT?!?!

you see, i've been sad for a while. really, really sad. the last few months have been a perfect storm of crappiness, a chain of discouraging events that all started with (but weren't necessarily caused by) one stupid (and serious) choice i made in a momentary lapse of reason. (name that band) i have cried more in the last 6 months than in my previous 31 years. it all spiraled until i felt lost in hopelessness and despair and wondered if i could ever be happy again. i felt beaten and wanted to give up. it sounds trite and silly, i know, but my pain was so very real.

but i know there are lessons to be learned in every experience and pain can signify growth. so because of the profound lessons i've learned, i consider the last several months very sacred. i am a different person than i was a year ago, but hopefully much closer to becoming the person i want to be.

and because i'm a sucker for a list, here some things i learned in my year abroad and my summer of crappiness:

that it wasn't just a new school i needed, it was a new career. (or maybe i just needed an actual summer vacation.)

that life is so much more meaningful when you surround yourself with the people you love who really care about you and leave behind the people who don't. real friends are always there for you.

that africa does not agree with my digestive system.

how to truly take a risk. sometimes those risks reap great rewards. other times, they don't. but i'm stronger for having taken those risks and more courageous than i ever thought could be.

italian.

what it means to give your heart to someone. for the first time in my life, i loved. and then i lost. but more importantly, i learned that even with a broken heart i can pick myself up and move forward, with faith in myself and hope for the future and trust in god.

the importance of listening to my gut. (except when my gut is telling me to eat the entire batch of cookies i just made. i should never listen to my gut in that instance.)

that i really only like rain when it's a rare occurence.

that beauty really is so much more than a pretty face. (it's also red painted toenails.)

deeper conviction that the beliefs i've always held most dear are true.

appreciation of sparkling water.

to accept that i am human and make mistakes, even big ones i never thought i'd make. but thanks to a loving savior i can come back from the big ones, too.

that i am never, ever alone.

i am worth it.

***

so i'm back. back to blogging (hopefully) and back in the usa. i'm still figuring some things out, but for the first time in a long time, i have hope. and that makes all the difference.

and because posts are always better with a picture, i'll end this novel with a picture of my friend, ari. i could look up a deep thought about perspective or something...but instead let's just laugh at how silly he looks.