my new home is great

it has a blue wall.
well, actually, it's "soft jamaican dream" which, in case you are not fluent in wal-mart paint colors means: light turquoise. if that sounds ugly, you might be right. but i love it and i still sometimes just look at it and smile at my boldness. it's not for everybody, but it is for me and i'm the one who has to look at it...until b moves in. but he is getting such a good deal on his rent that he better just shut up. (by the way, i am planning to get some vinyl lettering on the blue wall as a welcome gift to b. it will say: b smells like butt. he will love it.)

anyway, there is one thing about my new home that is not so cool. it is that i now have cable. i have survived for the last several years with an old tv with bunny ears. it got two channels: fox and kjzz. and that was just fine because with those two channels i could watch all the shows in my triumvirate: the office, the simpsons, and friends. occasionally, if the weather was right and i stood in the right spot and held my breath and didn't blink, through the fuzz i could see the office on nbc. but that was a rare treat. so imagine my great surprise when i was checking out my future home and they said i could include their big fancy tv in the offer because they wanted to get rid of it (it wasn't so big and fancy that it was attached to the wall, but it was a far cry from my bunny ears). imagine my greater surprise when i found out that hoa fees for my future home included comcast cable. there was no getting around it: i have cable. me! world's biggest cheapskate! and i have taken full advantage of it. i have over 50 channels. Among them: four sports channels (one of which is dedicated entirely to golf, which got me thinking that if i ever want to torture someone before i murder them in my new home, i will tie them up and turn on the golf channel), disney (yuck), food network (yum), four spanish channels (don't need to go to paraguay anymore, i'll just turn on telemundo), bet (i had no idea that black people had their own network. watching it makes me feel like a spy), several others that i can't think of (still trying to memorize them all) and the piece de resistance: the travel channel (76) and the history channel (10)!!! the travel channel has been highly disappointing, but oh, the history channel. it's everything i've ever dreamed of. i've learned about a brothel in pompeii, the first 24 hours after jfk's assassination, david koresh and waco, the history of the universe, vlad the impaler, a big hurricane in connecticut and several facts about the states (did you know that the state tree of south carolina is the palmetto? this is one of many useless and uninteresting facts i have learned while watching "the states"). it is so exciting. and when tv is slow on the history channel, i can almost always find a nice rerun of csi: miami or criminal minds. it is a couch potato's dream come true. this newly acquired cable will be the death of me. i will lose my job and gain 50 pounds and sink into a deep depression. there will be a permanent imprint on my couch and the cops will be called in because of the smell. and all because i couldn't turn off the law and order marathon on spike.

i can't wait.